List #3

List #3, again feel free to comment and add!
Making this list was much harder than I thought it would be…
What I would do if I was empress of the World (the Universe and the Multiverse are step 2 and 3, I’ll put them on my list “Posts still to write”) in no particular order:

  • Bring back corporal punishment; for every spam delivery in any mail box (digital and analogue) around the world the spammer who did the spamming should receive a kick in the balls (“but what if it is a female spammer?” you ask, well they have to get balls through plastic surgery first and then get kicked in the balls.)
  • Endorse “how to use the toilet with out making the toilet dirty” lessons in public schools (how hard can it be to change the world of toilets, especially public toilets, a happier place?)
  • Get a team of scientists together to invent a translator machine that you can put in your ear which will make it possible to understand all languages (will come in handy when I’m going to over take the Universe and the Multiverse)

Okay, some “serious” things…

  • As Empress of the World I will be obligated to do something about crime. Maybe bring back the concept of the prison islands, like Australia and like the film “escape from New York”. An artificial island in the middle of the ocean would be cool and there will be shitloads of solar panels and windmills there which the prisoners would have to maintain (forced labour), a two birds one stone kind of thing; get rid of the prisoners and get clean energy! Plus they would be self sufficient which is cheaper. But what if the prisoners take over the island and its enery!?!?
  • Have a glass floor under which a big aquarium with huge fish (first I was thinking of having whales in there, but they are a bit big and they need to come up for air and I don’t want air bubbles breaking the light and thus my view)
  • Prohibit the breading of poodles, they are scary and always make me question the divine plan (even though I’m not sure there is one)
  • Make cigarettes healthy, same goes for hamburgers and fries, peanut butter and cheese
  • Create a pet army (that is an army of pets, e.g. dogs, cats, canaries)

What Andy would do if he were the Emperor of the World (of course he wouldn’t really be, he would be more like the First Gentleman or something):

  • I would have hundreds of children
    (hm, yeah maybe through in vitro fertilisation…No way am I going to pig all all of his spawn)
  • Nuke the moon for the crack
    (that’s okay, I’ll have a new one installed as Empress of the Universe, so no panic!)
  • Create one race and language by obligatory inter breeding
    (the language barrier is already solved. Although that could be a temporary solution because that breeding programme will take some time)
  • Declare my own day, prices will be given for fancy dress
    (well, you gotta give a guy something)
  • I would build the tallest building ever and have it knocked down in a temper…
  • Have genetically modified tiny pet bears, lions, giraffes etc.
    (that would be so cool, I want a pet polar bear!)
  • get a team of earth’s brightest and have them figure out how the light id always on in the fridge without running up a massive bill (all of us already know the light isn’t on when the fridge door is closed, but we’ll keep that a secret for now…)

About alastor993

artist, Art teacher Interests: Drawing, Painting, Experimental film making, writing, philosophy, motorbikes, sleeping!
This entry was posted in Lists, To take over the world... or not and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to List #3

  1. cary, your mother says:

    Dear daughter, I think you are the smartest girl on earth! Your best idea as far as I’m consured are healthy cigarettes, your worst idea is having 100 childeren; if you want to have them the way we think is normal for now, please don’t. 3 Already makes you old before your time. But who knows, maybe in the future we give birth just by saying the right word.

    • alastor993 says:

      haha Thanks mum! The 100 kids wasn’t my idea, that’s Andy’s and I’m not going to give birth to them (maybe through cloning?)

  2. Shiela Cooper says:

    Hi Hon,

    I love the ideas… when will you take over the world???
    No Coke light running like water?? am suprised that isn’t anywhere, have you kicked the habbit??

    love u

    • alastor993 says:

      Well, I am already working on it! It will take some generations of course, but then….! (check list #2)
      And that Coke Light thing is a great idea! You may be my first advisor, “minister of great ideas to improve the world once it’s ours”!

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