The never ending list of insomnia

(Note, this is an answer to a Plinky promt “What keeps you up up at night”)

pudels are scary!

Random thoughts of terror (fantasies of dying etc)
I often indulge in fantasies about being in a horrible accident or dying in an absurd and painful, but heroic way. It’s not because I want to die, I just like to fantasize about it. For some reason the thought that “it” could (horribly) end at any moment gives me a feeling of serenity and peace, all my other worries become futile and petty. These thoughts often lull me to sleep within half an hour and I sleep like a baby.

Beside these peace giving thoughts I also get a bit paranoid at times. This usually takes the form of monsters under my bed that want to devour me. A squick of the old house I live in and all I can do during one of these episodes is crawl under the covers. These spells of paranoia don’t give me any peace what so ever and can keep me awake for any length of time until I decide I’m too old to be this silly and I gather all my courage to get out of bed to smoke a cigarette, having faith that the monsters will be impressed by this show of bravery and thus retreat in fear back to the darkness that gave birth to them.

Sex fantasies/ romantic fantasies
I love fantasizing about handsome men that just adore the ground I walk on! These men often take the form of a knight in shining armor or a long haired Scot, kilt and all in a historic setting(strangely enough in the real world I like men to have short hair). In these elaborate fantasies, which are easily continued the next night and the next, the guy starts out as a brute, but since I can fight as well as any other (man), I best him in any kind of fight and he thus falls head over heals in love with me, after which we have the most satisfying sex in the history of mankind.

Evaluating the day (conversations and how you should’ve handled them)
Going through the day is a good way to prevent tossing and turning during the night, unless you start doing it in bed! When there have been arguments, important questions, meetings, anything of any importance at all, I go through them until it has become an old tune that bugs you so much you have to change the channel.

Worries about work, tomorrow, money
Every night I go through what I have to do the next day, especially with work. Normally this only takes a few moments, but lately because I’m changing jobs, it takes so much more of my bed-time. Now that the moment of leaving the country is coming closer at the speed of a race car (a very fast one I might add), this bed-time-waster visits me more and more frequent. The thoughts and lists are on repeat and the stop-button has gone lost!

Conversations that haven’t happened yet
From evaluating the day and worries about tomorrow I automaticly go to conversations that haven’t happened yet. I’ll be thinking of something I have to tell someone and wonder what their reaction will be. Rather than leaving it at that I’ll fill in what that person will say or do and the whole scenario unfolds itself before my minds eye. Where they start quite normal and realistic they become more and more fantastic to the extreme and I’ll end up with the random thought of terror (this time mostly directed to the other party).

World troubles
Actually these don’t really keep me from sleeping… For a moment when I was composing this list I thought it did, but after thinking about it… no, they don’t.

What to wear tomorrow
I can often spent bed-time thinking of what to wear the next day (maybe it’s a female thing?), this gets me sleeping in no time and the next day I usually just wear what is in close range of my still half asleep grabbing hands. So even before I start thinking about what to wear the next day, I already know I won’t actually wear the outfit I come up with…

Grocery lists
The one thing that can get me to almost pull out my hair of frustration (exaggeration of course) is coming up with something for dinner every day! Sometimes I find myself already thinking about this the night before. It’s the most silly and stupid thing to do, because I never come up with anything until I’m actually in the store!

Beer (or other alcoholic diverges)
Beer doesn’t so much keep me awake, after a night of drinking I mostly fall into a semi coma from which I only awake if the house would burn down (I hope). But it keeps other people awake and they in turn keep me awake (unless I’ve been “forced” into that semi coma)

Heat (not the movie)
Temperature fluctuations don’t agree with me at all, or, more likely, I don’t agree with them. When it’s warm I overheat and when it’s cold I’m chilled to the bone, which I prefer to overheating by the way. At least you can dress against the cold, with the heat there’s nothing you can do accept slow down and I’m much too impatient for that. So when the temperature rises I sleep less and less.

With heat come mosquitoes and mosquitoes are the most annoying creatures on the planet! It’s not only the result of their bites but the sound they produce while they make their kamikaze like attacks which for some reason are always in the vicinity of your ear.
Really, if you think about it and look at nature, with all these creatures and plants that all have a purpose of their own, what is the use of a mosquito?

Hours left before the alarm goes off
Eventually the thought of how many hours of bed-time I still have left will come to mind and distracts me of what ever it was that kept me awake in the first place and this new thought and all the math involved will guarantee me just a bit more of bed-time-waste.

Me and my frustration
After hours of tossing and turning I am so very frustrated my whole body feels it, we have arrived at complete restlessness.

The want for a cigarette
After all this the one thing that will help me is getting out of bed to have a cigarette and a glass of water… But before that decision is made…

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About alastor993

artist, Art teacher Interests: Drawing, Painting, Experimental film making, writing, philosophy, motorbikes, sleeping!
This entry was posted in Complaints, Life 'n shit and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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